10 Questions All Divorcing Parents Should Ask Before Fighting Over the Kids
The stigma of divorce on children has decreased in direct proportion to the increase in divorce rates over the last fifty years. No longer are they taunted as products of ‘broken homes.’ In some places, they are the majority.
Yet we know that divorce remains a traumatic event in the lives of children. Research suggests that three years after divorce, while most children do not report any severe ongoing difficulties, about 25 percent of them do.
That means children may have a 1 in 4 chance of experiencing social, psychological or academic problems as a result of divorce that, without intervention, could affect them for life.
Ask Yourself This Before Hiring a Divorce Lawyer
It stands to reason that the more intense and high-conflict the divorce, the greater the impact on the children. Before you hire a divorce lawyer and engage in a high-conflict custody battle, here is what to ask yourself – and your soon-to-be ex.
- Do I want my child to be fearful and anxious about where and with whom they will end up living?
- Do I want my child to undergo high-stress interviews with lawyers, psychologists and court officers who will probe into their personal life?
- Do I want my children to be (rightfully) worried that their relationships with their siblings will change if the family is split?
- Do I want to expose my child to potential psychological harm resulting from the emotional pain and self-blame of watching their parents constantly fight?
- Do I want this custody battle to be the parenting model my child sees?
- Do I want the private details of my life, marriage and activities to be dragged into public view?
- Do I want an overworked, potentially unsympathetic stranger deciding how much I get to see my children, and how support and care will be divided?
- Do I want to spend money paying for a divorce lawyer and expert witnesses when it might lead to a bad outcome for me anyway?
- Do I want the outcome of who raises my children to be decided based on who wins in court, regardless of what I know to be best for them?
- Do I want to force my co-parent into a costly and traumatic fight that might make any kind of amicable future relationship impossible?
How Mediation is a Viable Alternative to Divorce
Divorce may be inevitable for some couples, yet when children are involved, it’s even more important to put the rancor aside and try to work things out like adults. Mediation is a wonderful option that helps parents make responsible decisions regarding child custody and child support.
It helps divorcing couples avoid the kind of bitter conflict that can throw children into crisis, and allows parents to support their children through the difficulties of separation.
When You’re Ready for a Divorce Lawyer
Parents that seek a divorce lawyer who has experience with family law matters and whose ultimate desire is to keep divorcing clients out of court may recommend mediation, but if the only option is divorce, he should provide the assistance you need to make the most of a messy situation.
At Fine & Associates Professional Corporation, we have helped guide countless families through the often arduous process of a legal battle over children, property and possessions. If you’re contemplating what a divorce will mean for your child or children, or even yourself, fill out the form to the right to get in touch, or contact us for a free consultation.