4 Things to Avoid Saying When Telling Your Kids About Divorce
It’s no surprise that talking to kids about divorce is hard. You have to manage your own emotions, anticipate theirs, and try to reassure them that you’ll both still be there for them (or, in some cases, face the reality that one of you may not be willing to take on full responsibility).
To help guide your discussions, here are 4 things to avoid saying to your children when talking to them about your impending divorce:
1. Negative statements about your co-parent.
While your love for your soon-to-be ex may have soured, remember that you are talking to children to whom mom or dad is still beloved and probably a key relationship in their lives. Saying cruel things about your children’s other parent—whether they are true or not—will most likely just make your kids feel uncomfortable and more upset.
Being forced to take sides can make kids feel very awkward and confused. If there are unpleasant things you have to tell your children about their parent, do so as gently and neutrally as possible. With issues that are between the two of you, try to leave the kids out of it entirely.
2. Lies about the situation.
While you may not want to hurt your children’s feelings, you also need to be realistic about what is happening. Don’t make promises you can’t keep, and don’t pretend that this isn’t a huge change that could result in big lifestyle alterations.
That said, you’ll also need to let your children know that you are still there for them and that you will do everything you can to keep their lives on track.
3. Questions about what or how your soon-to-be ex is doing.
Don’t make your children spy for you. As WomansDivorce.com reminds us, “adult conversations are best left between the adults.” Don’t make your children fish for information (remember the issue with forcing them to take sides).
4. Suggestions that the kids are part of the reason for the divorce.
Kids often take on a sense of blame when their parents’ relationship crumbles. Don’t contribute to this. Even if your soon-to-be ex is shirking parental responsibilities, don’t make your kids feel like a burden that put stress on your relationship. Your children didn’t choose this situation, and likely you didn’t either, at least not entirely or intentionally.
Divorce is going to be hard on all of you. Focusing on problem solving instead of blame can both help everyone move on and reduce the pain of the process itself.
Get the right divorce lawyer
In addition to the emotional challenges of divorce, the legal aspect can be daunting especially if you have kids. At Fine & Associates, we have helped countless couples through the divorce process, and strive for the best outcome for children.
If you’re going through a divorce and need help from a professional divorce lawyer, call Fine & Associates today at 647-496-6057, or fill out the form on the right to request a free consultation.