Avoiding Hostility from Your Children During Divorce
Divorce represents the dissolution of a marriage. For children, especially if they are young, it can seem as though their world is ending.
Children do understand that when their parents fight, they’re unhappy. They might not understand the deeper issues at play, and the announcement of divorce can still come as a shock. Children can respond with hostility. Read on to learn how you can avoid this behaviour during what is a difficult time for all involved.
Why Do Children Become Hostile?
In order to avoid hostile behaviour, you have to understand its roots. Your children’s hostility is a coping mechanism.
The term “coping mechanism” is another way of saying “how people deal with situations.” Some people use humour to cope. Other people get angry. Children don’t have particularly well-developed coping skills. They can use anger as a way to deal with the situation.
Signs of Hostile Behaviour
It’s easy to spot hostile behaviour in children. Younger children might become physically aggressive – hitting, pushing, pulling hair and breaking things. They might not have the verbal skills to express how they’re feeling.
Older children and teenagers will most likely engage in physically aggressive behaviour. When they are hostile, they will be rude to you, raise their voice and call you names or ignore you.
How Can You Avoid Hostile Behaviour from Your Children?
Children’s hostile behaviour doesn’t have to be part of divorce. There are steps you can take to minimize it from the outset.
As mentioned earlier, children engage in hostile behaviour as a way to get them through a situation. It might be the only way they’re aware of to express their emotions. Let your children feel angry about the situation and encourage them to express how they’re feeling to you and your ex-spouse. Listen carefully to them, so that they feel as though they’re not being ignored.
Anger can stem from a sense of helplessness and uncertainty. No matter how old they are, children feel as though the world they knew no longer exists. What they need now is a consistent routine that gives them the sense that not everything has changed.
Consistency also means that you and your ex-spouse must honour your commitments to your children. If one of you said you’re going to pick them up from the softball game at five o’clock, you need to do so. When you don’t fulfill your commitments, your children will feel as though they can’t trust you, which leads to hostile behaviour.
Fine & Associates: Your Family and Divorce Law Experts
Are you about to go through a divorce? Call Fine & Associates today at (416) 650-1300. Our experienced team of legal professionals can help you through this difficult time.
We will be with you every step of the way. The family and divorce lawyers at Fine & Associates fight for their clients’ rights to custody and child support. We understand the stress and emotions associated with separation and divorce. Our lawyers will offer you expert advice to ensure you make good decisions.