Children and Divorce: What Educators Should Know

Children and divorce are often a recipe for heartache. Early childhood educators may know this better than anyone, as they are usually on the front lines of dealing with their student’s confusion and emotions. Besides offering support, educators are often drawn up into the battle as one parent or both attempts to gain an ally by presenting their side of the story (often with less-than-positive remarks). There may also be instances in which one parent requests that access be restricted or denied to the other by the educator. These kinds of situations require the presence of a divorce lawyer.

The Educator’s Role

It is very important that the educator remember their primary role is to provide care and education to the child in their classroom. To do this, setting up professional and personal boundaries is a must. Here are a few tips to keep things straight:

• Do not take sides
• Never bad-mouth one parent or the other to the child
• Inform parents that you are not able to deny or restrict access to the child unless there is a legal ruling in place (I.E. A restraining order.)
• Remind parents that any reports of “odd behavior” of either the child or the other parent will be made to the authorities if necessary.

Personal Boundaries

With the professional boundaries in place (typically put up by a family lawyer or such), it is important to anticipate that the child involved will need support. A person to talk to who is outside of the situation will be greatly appreciated, and this is something you can do within reason. While you are not a trained therapist and should not present yourself as one, you can definitely lend an understanding ear or a shoulder to cry on.

However, personal boundaries do have to be set in place to ensure that the child does not become inappropriately attached to you and you do not overstep the bounds of an educator. Educators are advised to take a concerned, but neutral position as well. Do not side with one parent or the other when speaking with the child.

When speaking with the parent(s), only deliver factual information that pertains to the curriculum in class and the student’s recent behavior. Do not attempt to theorize why certain behaviors are happening, only report what is happening and anything the child themselves might say to you if it raises concern.

Stay Within the Law

Just as educators know how to set and live by the limits of their classroom, they must also stay firm with the limits of their relationships to parents. A good rule to stand by is not to take sides and to never report or restrict anything unless a legal ruling calls for it. Children and divorce is a sticky situation for everyone, but you never want to be in the position of making it worse.