Common Child Custody Issues
Though child custody in a divorce proceeding is common, it can be complicated. Parents may feel that they are the victim of parental alienation during this time. This term was coined by Dr. Richard Gardner, which states that one parent brainwashes the child against the other parent to make the child reject that parent and yet think it was their idea. Many times child abuse is alleged by the rejected parent though nothing can be substantiated.
The thing to keep in mind is that parental alienation is much different than estrangement. With estrangement you will see the rejected parent act in a way that makes it easy to see why the child is rejecting them. This has no basis on the rejected parent taking responsibility for their actions, simply that it can be seen. There are a number of reasons why a child may reject one parent and prefer another. This could be anything from compatible temperaments, preferences, anger toward one parent and many other reasons.
The Complexity of Issues with Child Custody
An example of this is a 9 year old boy who has a good relationship with his mother and his father is busy with work and only in his life marginally. The boy does not know about the issues with the parents’ marriage, though he finds out about the mother’s affair. When this happens the child wants to stay with the father and is upset with the mother. The mother states to the court that the father has poisoned the son’s mind to get even for the affair. Though this may seem plausible from the outside, there are other factors to consider. When you step back and think about this, the boy may have a wish to spend more time with his father due to developmental issues based on the gender and the father’s lack of presence in the past. With this, the boy more than likely feels morally outraged by the mother’s actions. This is what makes this a case of estrangement rather than parental alienation.
How to Resolve Child Custody Issues
In many instances, litigation can often make the situation worse as the parents take opposite stances and tend to only focus on what the other parent will do. Unfortunately it is often the child that loses in these situations. Focus on a plan that centers around the child. In the example above, it is important for the child to build a better relationship with his father, but he also needs to resolve the issues he has with the mother. This will help the child to learn how to handle conflicting emotions and desires which will help to better equip them for relationships when they are older.
There is no one right answer to custody issues as this is a multi-faceted problem. If you are having issues reaching an agreement on your own, consider an assessment with a qualified assessor to understand the actual dynamic of the situation and find the best strategy to ensuring that the child gets the most out of the child custody arrangement. With award after award, Fine & Associates is your only choice for divorce law in Toronto. Family law is our specialty and we do it well.