Effects of Divorce on Children – From a Family Lawyer’s Perspective
Separation and divorce can be a brutally painful and ongoing source of disruption to your life – and the lives of your children and to the lives of many Canadian families.
What does divorce do to a child?
The body of research is clear: common reactions to divorce can be limited over the short term and as parents come to terms with the changes divorce brings, their children often regain their footing quickly. As the parents re-establish their communication with a former marriage partner, the children adapt to a new way of living and communicating as well.
While most children say a divorce causes them to suffer from pain and uncertainty about their parents’ divorce, many come to terms with the changes and move on. A significant, but small, minority of children can show signs of negative symptoms related to parental divorce that go on and on. These difficulties include internalized and externalized behavioral problems.
How to make divorce easier for the children?
Minimizing the negative impact of divorce on children begins with the parents. The period during and following a divorce is certain to have harmful effects on children but researchers and clinicians are in total agreement that a child’s best interests served when they can maintain loving relationships with both parents.
It’s a painful reality that many fathers, faced with bitterness from their former partner, can often fade out of the picture and disappear from their children’s lives. When that happens, it’s often the case that children suffer a double-edged disadvantage: the psychological effect that comes with the “loss” of a parent and a sudden financial instability.
Related: What is parental alienation and what to do about it?
Building a co-parental relationship
Overcoming those challenges means a building a “co-parental relationship” to allow parents to wall off their negative feelings and collaborate, cooperate and form an all-business relationship with a person who has been a source of personal upheaval.
There are now alternatives to the traditional “adversarial” legal system to help resolve disputes which arise from shared parenting following divorce. These alternatives – mediation and assessment options – can ease the journey for Canadian families.
Related: 5 Tips for Co-Parenting with Your Ex
The challenge and balance of “second families”
Statistics say nearly 80 percent of divorced people will eventually remarry, and the blending of those “second families” is virtually certain to cause challenges for children. While not every subsequent marriage results in more children, paying child support from a previous marriage can make it complicated and complex to support a second family. The way resources are allocated among the children on both sides of the equation can cause a “tug of war” between current and former spouses, different sets of children – even issues with the law.
In Canada, a tenet known as “first family” sets policies which governs how courts evaluate issues regarding child support related to such “blended” families. While those legalities are essentially written in stone, the subtle details of protecting children from effects of divorce falls on the parents.
But everything changes for the children of divorce if the parents can achieve a balance in their new relationships. Note that these positive effects are in comparison to a family of bickering parents and not a normal family with loving parents.
The impact of stable households and meaningful parenting time
If a child is freed from a tense domestic atmosphere, they come home from school or college to a positive, stable household, they’re less like to wander off and fall in with bad company to avoid a disruptive home life. Separated parents who focus on the children are much more likely to help them avoid self-medicating with drugs and alcohol.
A child who shuttles between the homes of both parents needs to spend quality, fruitful time with them both to rebuild a relationship. When that happens, researchers say divorce can actually help a child study and improve their grades. That’s due to the fact that a child is no longer faced with the baggage of dealing with quarreling parents.
Consult with a trusted family lawyer
Find the best resolution for your family by consulting with an experienced and compassionate family lawyer on your side. Schedule a free consultation with our divorce attorneys and experienced divorce mediators in Toronto.