Going Into the Holiday Season After a Divorce and What to Expect
Divorce – even if it is mutual and reasonably amicable – can be a stressful and painful process. In fact, some say that going through a divorce is similar to experiencing a death in the family. There is a time of grief and transition. And if you are going into the holiday season after a recent divorce, instead of being a happy and joyful time, the holidays can intensify feelings of sadness and loneliness.
Is it possible to be happy during the holidays?
Yes, it is! The good news is even though you may have bouts of loneliness and depression over the holiday season, it doesn’t have to be completely awful. There are steps that you can take to help yourself feel better, but there are also things that will make you feel worse. It is your choice.
For example, if you spend your time comparing yourself to others, berating yourself about what you “should have” done in the past, or neglect your physical needs such as eating and sleeping properly, the holidays will be much more difficult than they need to be.
But just as there are things that can drive you down into an even deeper funk this holiday season, there are things that can help lift you out of it.
Give yourself permission to grieve.
Divorce is hard and you shouldn’t have to apologize for the fact that you are going through a difficult time. Don’t expect your feelings to simply go away because this is supposed to be a “happy” time of year, and don’t try to force your feelings to go away either. Instead, find healthy ways to express those feelings. You can try journaling or talking about your feelings with a trusted friend.
Take care of yourself.
Self-care is important at any stage of life, but it is especially so when you are going through a difficult process like divorce. Recognize that there are times when you will need to be alone and times when you will feel like being with others, and as much as you can honour those feelings.
Additionally, it is important to take care of your physical needs and ensure that you are eating and sleeping well, and also getting sufficient exercise. The feelings of mental stress will only intensify if your physical needs are not being met.
Find or create a supportive community.
Do you have friends or family members in your life who make you feel guilt or shame about your divorce? Do you have people in your life who like to gossip about your ex? While you may not be able to avoid these people completely over the holidays, spending too much time with them can make you feel worse about your situation.
Counter this by spending more time with people who support and encourage you. If possible, find people that are going through a similar situation and spend time with each other in a positive way and encourage one another.
Make plans.
Sometimes, when people are going through a difficult time over the holidays, they avoid making plans altogether because they feel it will be too painful. But this can be a mistake. You may find yourself waking up during the holidays, and wishing you could be around some friendly faces.
Instead, make plans but let the people with whom you are making them know that you may have to cancel last minute depending on how you are feeling that day. It is much better to have plans and then have to cancel than to not have any plans and wish that you did. And if you feel guilty about the possibility of having to cancel, bring others into the plan so that your absence will not be as noticeable if you do have to cancel.
Remember that it will get better.
Finally, remember that if this is your first year as a divorced person, it will get better. Usually the first year of holidays is the hardest, but as you learn to take care of yourself and establish new traditions, the holidays will get easier.
Contact Fine and Associates if you need to speak to a family lawyer.
If you are currently going through a divorce and require a family lawyer to help you through the process, contact Fine and Associates today to schedule a consultation.