It Doesn’t Matter Who Started The Conflict
Every day, somewhere in the world, you can be sure that there is a child claiming that they did not start a conflict, and you can be sure that there is a parent who says that they do not care who started it. This is a maxim by which parents live when they have rough and tumble kids, but it is also the way that children face a resolution process in a divorce. They are less interested in who started the road to divorce, though their parents are determined to prove that the other is at fault. This mutual blaming is called circular causation and often leads to conflict intensity rather than dilution.
Two Sides of a Conflict
Whenever a divorce case begins, the attorneys on either side will hear the various grievances that both parents bring to the case. The grievances may be minor; a concern about money, or they may be major; a cheating spouse or an assault case. When the two cases are the same on both sides, however, children are unable to play the part of blame. They, like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz, tell the attorney that one parent went in one direction, and the other went in the other direction. This makes it quite difficult for an attorney or a judge to find out the truth about conflict in a relationship.
Conflict Resolution
A divorced couple look at an argument with a strict sense of coming out on top. It is necessary to determine who started a conflict in order to determine what both sides want out of a divorce, but in an unhappy relationship it can be both sides that take a trivial issue and inflate it to the point of causing a separation. Since both believe (in most cases) that the opposite part is responsible for most, if not all, of the blame, they have difficulty reconciling and agreeing about important issues like child custody.
The Role of Mediators
It is rare that even an attorney for each parent will be able to come together on a favorable result, since each attorney is merely looking out after their client’s best interests. As such, it may be necessary to get a third party involved in the case. A mediator will sit in on the discussions and help determine what is fair to both parties. A parenting coordinator will help with the children and with ensuring that the end result is best for the parents as well as their offspring.
Whenever you are going through a divorce, having professionals on your side makes a major difference. Fine & Associates Toronto Family Law and Divorce lawyers specialize in family law and divorce law. When you hire us, you can rest assured that you are in good hands.