Older Children & Divorce – How Can Families Work Together?

Many divorcing parents expect that their divorce will have an impact on their younger children. However, many people do not realize that there is still a chance of negative impact on the  couple’s adult children too. Read on to find ways to minimize a divorce’s negative effects on adult children.

How to help older children when parents are going through a divorce?

Many couples are told regularly throughout the divorce proceedings to worry about the effects of the divorce on younger children. However, neither the court system nor other family members usually focus on the aftermath of the divorce with adult children. Some ways that a parent can help their adult child cope with the divorce are very similar to how parents can help younger children. It is essential to remind the adult child that the divorce is not their fault, their parents still both love him or her, and that nothing the child did caused the divorce.

Remember, even if your child is an adult, it is important not to dump your emotional problems from the divorce onto them. It’s also a good idea not to talk badly about your ex-spouse in front of the adult children, no matter the circumstances. After all, your ex-spouse is still the the other parent.

Ways to plan regular outings to spend time with older children

1. If the divorcing parents are amicable enough to spend an hour or so together, you could get together as a family at one of the adult children’s favorite restaurants.
2. You could take your adult children out for coffee once a week, alternating parents, to ensure they have time to speak up if something in the divorce proceedings is bothering them.
3. Consider calling a family meeting of all the adult children and both parents to help set expectations moving forward as a family and allow the adult children to ask any questions that have been bothering them.

Emotions of older children while their parents are divorcing

• Unlike younger children, there are no court-ordered parenting schedules. This could be very upsetting to adult children if there is no direction on how to spend time with each parent during and after the divorce process.
• It could be upsetting to older children to burden with some of the costs associated with their parent’s divorce, like helping them move residences or the similar.
• A divorce later in the adult children’s life could pressure them to draw familial lines with either parent, leading to resentment toward one of the parents.
• Older children may also feel guilt or remorse that, perhaps, their parents stayed together for this long because of them.
• Older children of a divorce may feel like their life events, such as their marriages or pregnancy announcement, do not matter as much, and they may feel like they would have to hide these events from their parents.

If you are considering a divorce, or have questions on a family law matter, contact the knowledgeable and experienced attorneys at Fine & Associates in Toronto at (647) 557-5201 for a free consultation.