Parenting Plans for High Conflict Divorces

Devising parenting plans for couples involved in turbulent divorces is very challenging. These couples communicate using contrived statements, which preempt the responses of the other. Each party seeks to rectify the perceived injustice of past deeds and with every move they intensify their mutual hatred, which becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. They use esoteric phrases and deliberately antagonistic body language, which provokes the other party in a way that would not be obvious to an outsider.

For these couples, their divorce is not so much a question of making parenting and financial arrangements, it is more a matter of evening the score. Each party has quantified the degree of suffering and pain they experienced during their marriage, and wants the divorce to redress the balance. They overlook their children’s best interests, whilst simultaneously feigning concern in order to lobby their case.

Although some couples genuinely try to make mediation work, lots of high conflict couples participate just to avoid the expense of a court case, and to demonstrate the other party’s inability to compromise. Here, mediation is simply another strategy in the fight to show who’s worst. Sit these couples down at the same table for communicative or facilitative style mediation, and they will run the mediator ragged. The inevitable outcome is a selection of meetings, where the mediator realizes that they are unable to manage the two people in this way.

The Mediator’s Role

Mediators in high conflict divorces have to comment on the behavior of the parents, and how it impacts on the children’s well-being. At the same time, they have to respect both parents’ rights to have a loving relationship with the children. Mediators have to acknowledge that the relationship is finished. They should attempt to reduce any bitterness and facilitate the sharing of parental details where required.

Safe Parenting Plans

This process has to directly tackle any issues relating to abuse, alcohol, drugs, violence, or neglect that are revealed. The mediator needs to make these problems a focal point and address them within the plan. Each party will criticize the parenting skills of the other. However, it might be that both parties would benefit from attending specific parenting courses, so this should be incorporated into the plan as well.

To accomplish this, the mediator needs to be thick skinned, experienced and active, with training in child development. He or she will need to be able to cope with the dynamics of a high conflict divorce, and offer a methodical solution to the process of mediation. The result should be parenting plans that each parent is happy with, that satisfies the needs of the children.

Fine & Associates have the best divorce lawyers in Toronto to help get you through your separation. Our family lawyers welcome any questions that you may have.