Quality Matters More Than Quantity in Child Custody

When separating or divorced parents go to battle over child custody or access, their unwillingness to budge from their position often hurts more than it helps. There is no doubt that your child is your most prized position. The same is true of his or her other parent. While you are concerned about how much time you will get to spend with your child, demanding full custody or attempting to shut the other parent out of your child’s life is not the best thing for you or your child.

These disputes negatively affect the children. They are at an increased risk of anxiety, depression, poor self-esteem, behavioral issues and problems in school. Later in life, their view of how a healthy relationship looks can also be skewed, and affect their adult relationships. By willing to compromise with the child’s other parent, you can help reduce the chances of your child suffering because of your conflicts.

It is important for parents to remember the real goal in a custody dispute. While you obviously want to spend as much time with your child as possible, it is not worth harming your child or alienating the other parent to get it. Getting your way about who makes which decisions isn’t even as important as maintaining a positive relationship with your child. It is better for everyone involved if you can focus on your relationship with your children during a dispute, instead of what you perceive is “fair” when it comes to sharing custody.

A child could spend every hour of every day with a parent, but if it was not quality time then the relationship would still be poor. The inverse is also true. No matter how much time you have with your child, making each moment count is the most important part.

If there are parts of your child’s life that you want to participate in, this can be written into the parenting plan. This means you can reach an agreement that you will coach their sports teams, attend parent-teacher conferences and volunteer to chaperon field trips even if it is not your day to see the child. Just because your children do not sleep at your home every night does not make you any less their parent, or any less a part of their lives.

Children thrive when they are able to have a meaningful relationship with both parents. Agreeing to allow the child’s other parent to spend quality time with the child regularly is the best way to ensure this happens. In fact, a child’s relationship with one or both parents may actually improve as an after effect of a divorce. When parents allow conflict to enter into the discussion, often times courts get involved. This is a disservice to both the parents and the children.

Fine and Associates is a Toronto Family Law Firm that specializes in family and divorce law. Contact us today for a free phone consultation about your situation and your legal needs. We can work together to protect your rights, and to help you maintain a positive relationship with your children.