Rules for Living Together While Separated – Tips from a Family Lawyer

It’s common for couples to live together before marriage—but what about after separation? If you’re newly separated, then there may be financial realities, such as rising house costs and job market instability, that are making it impractical for you to move out into separate residences immediately. 

Under Canadian law, having an official separation date is the first step towards qualifying for a formal divorce. So what’s the best way to signal that you’re legally separated while still living together? 

Part One:  The Principles

Before we get into a practical list, it’s important to quickly cover the principles that go into establishing a legal date of separation:

• Living “separate and apart” is necessary for both divorce and the calculation of spousal support. It begins when “cohabitation” ends.
• Cohabitation isn’t just about sharing a home—it’s about the mutual assumption of marital rights and obligations.  This means that ending cohabitation involves a withdrawal from the marital relationship, by one or both of you.
• Intent matters—at least one spouse must intend to end the marital relationship.  However, a “meeting of the minds” isn’t necessary because separation doesn’t have to be mutual.
• Physical separation isn’t always required—in some circumstances, you and your spouse can be legally separated while still residing under one roof.
• The court looks at multiple factors, such as changes in social habits, finances, and daily routines, to determine when your separation occurred.

With these principles in mind, what steps can you and your spouse take to ensure your separation is legally recognized? The following blueprint offers guidance.

Part Two: A Roadmap for Living Together While Separate

If moving out isn’t an option right away, it’s critical to take concrete steps to demonstrate that you and your spouse have had a “clean break” and are no longer living as a couple. Courts consider a variety of aspects when determining the date of separation, in what has been called “a global weighting of all factors”.  None of the factors are viewed in isolation. 

This means the more of the following actions you take to establish independence, the clearer your separation becomes.  

Let’s start with some of the practical and physical aspects:

Physical Separation

• If possible, move into separate residences.
• Don’t buy furniture or other home-related assets together.
• If sharing a home, sleep in separate bedrooms and avoid physical intimacy.
• Remove personal belongings from each other’s spaces.
• Avoid visiting or staying overnight at each other’s new residence (if applicable).

Independent Daily Routines

• Establish separate social lives and schedules.
• Do your own household chores, such as laundry and cleaning.
• Buy and prepare your own meals separately.
• Stop grocery shopping for each other.

Financial Separation

• Close joint bank accounts and set up individual accounts.
• Avoid jointly paying household expenses—split them formally.
• Stop making joint financial investments or contributions to each other’s RRSPs.
• Sell or divide any jointly owned assets.
• Do not purchase new property together or co-invest in business ventures.

Related: Property Acquired After Separation – But Before Divorce

Legal and Administrative Changes

• Update your legal documents to reflect your separation:
  • Change your will to remove your spouse as a beneficiary.
  • Update life insurance policies to reflect new beneficiaries.
  • Declare your separated status on income tax returns.
  • Modify joint legal agreements (e.g., loans, leases) where applicable.

Next, there are also many social, emotional and relational aspects that will likely need to be modified.  Here are some of the things you should concentrate on:

Social and Family Adjustments

• Notify family, friends, and your broader social circle that you are separated.
• Avoid attending family gatherings together (e.g., weddings, holidays).
• Take separate vacations and refrain from joint outings with children.
• Stop socializing together with mutual friends.
• Cease exchanging gifts or celebrating anniversaries.

Related: Legal Separation: What to Consider When Living Separate and Apart in the Same Residence

Emotional and Communication Boundaries

• Refrain from offering emotional support for personal issues.
• Avoid discussing private matters like health concerns.
• Limit conversations to necessary topics, such as co-parenting arrangements.
• Have a clear, documented discussion confirming the separation date.

Demonstrating You’ve Moved On

• Avoid romantic reconciliation attempts, including couples’ therapy.
• Do not engage in date-like outings with your ex.
• Once ready, start dating new people.

Legal Steps to Formalize Separation

• Consult a family lawyer.
• Have one spouse’s lawyer send a formal separation notice to the other.
• Begin drafting a separation agreement.
• If necessary, initiate divorce proceedings.

Related: Legal Separation vs. Divorce in Ontario: Understanding the Differences

Part Three: A Separation Agreement as a Good Alternative

This is a long list.  The very easiest way not to have to worry about any of it is to ensure you have a well-drafted, iron-clad separation agreement duly signed by you both stating the date on which you and your spouse have agreed to split.

This one signed document makes it abundantly clear to the world that you are formally separated from each other – even if you still live together – and avoids having to worry about the many minor practical and relationship-oriented details listed above.

If you’re separated and looking at your options, feel free to contact our office for guidance.

Check other helpful resources:

• Understanding The Marital Separation Agreement
• What’s My Legal Date of Separation?
• Automatic Divorce After Long Separation in Canada: What You Need to Know