Shared Parenting

Children Benefit When Parents Learn to Cooperate

When parents split, successful shared parenting skills teach children that they do not have to choose sides.

Post-Divorce Parenting Presents Obstacles for Moms and Dads

Parenting in the modern era presents a wide-range of challenges. For divorced or separated parents, the complications increase ten-fold and parenting can be a forthright struggle for mom, dad, and the children. Conflict, legal contests, and bad feelings often force children to choose sides, gate-keep, and damage their self-esteem.

Among the many concerns that divorced parents need to contend with is the legal allocation of time between parents. When it comes to custody arrangements, joint custody does not always equate to shared parenting.

When two parents can put aside differences and work cooperatively — regardless of the legal custody arrangement — everyone benefits. Reduced stress, relaxed home environments, and positive family relationships add to a child’s healthy and successful development through shared parenting.

Shared Parenting is More Than a Legal Obligation

In Canada, judges typically review custody matters to determine what arrangements are in the best interests of the child. Confusion about the legal terms used in courts sometimes remains even after court proceedings. Divorced parents may not fully understand the differences among physical custody, legal custody, sole or joint custody, and the concept of shared parenting.

Sole, joint, physical, and legal custody are determined according to court orders or approved negotiated agreements. Each is a legally binding decision that provides specifics of where a child will live and for how much time, and what rights each parent will have in making choices for their child.

One parent generally will have a greater amount of physical custody — many times children live with mothers full-time, and visit fathers on weekends or during specified periods during the year. Pursuant to physical custody agreements, a child may split holidays between two parents, be shuttled back and forth, and live by different rules and expectations in each household.

Though one parent may play a greater role with regard to physical custody, there is often a presumption of equal legal custody. This includes the right to make medical, educational, religious decisions, as well as others directly influential in a child’s upbringing and development. Again, a split shared legal custody arrangement often exposes a child to competing parental roles, desires, and even instances of post-divorce hostility.

Shared parenting, however, is more of a social concept and developing legal principle than a defined legal determination. Shared parenting demands a voluntary commitment beyond court orders. The driving force behind shared parenting is a cooperative effort that resembles what a child would have experienced had his or her parents not divorced or separated. With shared parenting, ex-spouses must put aside personal differences to focus on how to make life better for their child.

Making Shared Parenting Work

A wide-range of family studies suggest that shared parenting may be key in the healthy development of children. Despite separations, divorces, broken homes, and legally imposed custody and visitation, children consistently demonstrate that they can thrive when they are able to maintain and nurture a positive relationship with both parents — regardless of custody arrangements.

Shared parenting is another step forward in children’s rights. Custody laws focus on a legal concept generally referred to as the “best interests of the child” standard, but also reference a child’s right to know and foster a positive and nurturing relationship with both parents.

Even a child who spends their time divided equally between both parents may not fully appreciate or know their mother and father without shared parenting principles. Successful shared parenting means that parents overcome the intense dislike for one another that led to the breakup of a marriage or relationship.

Many parents find that they are able to create a harmonious environment for a child by following a few simple guidelines:

• Someone may not have made a good spouse, but that does not mean they are a bad parent. Encourage good shared parenting by not speaking ill of the other parent in a child’s presence.

• No matter how difficult, find an agreeable way to communicate that puts the child’s needs first.

• Adjust and review arrangements over time and be realistic about expectations for both child and parents.

By following these and other cooperative practices, separated or divorced parents can successfully share parenting duties and ensure a bright future for their children.

Consult an Attorney

For additional guidance and to develop co-parenting plans and equitable custody and visitation agreements, rely on the assistance of a qualified family law attorney. Contact Fine & Associates for a consultation today.