What NOT to Do During a Divorce
Do NOT punish your Spouse
The Divorce process can be very emotional. You may be very angry at your spouse. You may want to punish your spouse. Don’t make that mistake! If you make the divorce process more difficult, it will only increase your legal costs and increase your stress. It may make a resolution of the outstanding issues very difficult.
Never threaten your spouse with violence. It can impact your ability to remain in the Matrimonial Home and your relationship with your children. In addition, if you are charged with a criminal offence, you will have to retain a criminal lawyer, and thereby, increase your legal costs.
If your spouse and children are dependent on you for your financial support, do NOT punish your spouse financially. A judge will not be sympathetic to you. The optics are not in your favour. It will not save you money. The court can order child and spousal support retroactive to the date of separation. It is always best to be seen as reasonable and not vindictive.
Related Articles:
- Ontario Child Support Calculator
- Common Psychological Effects of Divorce on Women and Men. You Are Not Alone
Do NOT sign any document without first reviewing it with your lawyer
Do NOT be “penny wise and pound foolish”. We have many cases wherein people draft their own Marriage Contracts or Separation Agreements to save legal fees, only to realize in the future that they made significant mistakes. They then contact us to try to correct their mistakes, which may not always be possible. Had they retained us at the outset, they would not have made the mistake.
Do NOT be pressured by your spouse or partner into signing an Agreement that is not fair and reasonable. The terms of an Agreement may be very hard to change in the future. The decisions that you make when entering an Agreement may last for years. You need to know your rights and obligations to make an informed decision before finalizing an Agreement. As a result, it is very important to have a lawyer review the terms of an Agreement with you before you execute same.
Related: Do You Need Help with Your Separation Agreement?
Do NOT involve your Children
Everyone wants their Children to be happy and healthy. The Divorce process can be very difficult for Children. It can impact them psychologically for years. It is important to remember the following basic rules:
- Be child-focused. Think of their best interests not yours;
- Do not badmouth your spouse to your kids;
- Do not force your kids to choose between you and your spouse;
- Do not argue in front of the kids;
- Do not discuss details of the separation with your spouse;
- Do not involve the kids in the divorce process;
- Do not use the kids to relay messages between you and your spouse;
- Do encourage your kids relationship with the other parent, unless there is a risk of harm.
If you disregard the aforementioned basic rules, a court could find against you and give your spouse primary custody of the kids. A court may find that you are alienating the kids from the other spouse.
Do NOT hide Assets
When spouses separate, they must swear a court document called a Financial Statement which lists all of their assets and debts as of the date of marriage and the date of separation. This is important to determine each parties Net Family Property (the increase in net worth of each party from the date of marriage to the date of separation) and determine the equalization payment owing as between the spouses. It may be tempting to not list some of your assets hoping that your spouse will not discover same. However, it is not difficult to find hidden assets. If you try to hide your income or assets during the separation process, it will impact your credibility with the court and you may be penalized.
Related resources:
Do NOT deplete your Assets
If you know that separation from your spouse is imminent, it may be tempting to deplete joint bank accounts or increase debt or lines of credit, or use third parties to hide your assets. Do not do any act that will be seen as dishonest. It will be seen as abusive by the court and you could be penalized. Such acts will impact as how you are viewed by the court and tt will damage your credibility with the court.
Do NOT miss Court Hearings or Meetings
It is important to participate in your Divorce. You cannot expect a lawyer to make decisions on your behalf and you must provide instructions to your divorce lawyer. You must not miss any of your appointments with your lawyer or miss court hearings. If you fail to attend at court, and do you not have a lawyer, a court could grant a default Judgement in favour of your spouse.
Do NOT hide things from your lawyer
The relationship between you and your family lawyer is sacred. Your lawyer owes you fiduciary duty (a very high standard). You must trust your lawyer. Your lawyer must protect your rights and inform you of your obligations. In order for a family law attorney to provide you with proper advice, they must know all of the facts. You do not want your lawyer to discover facts from your spouse or her lawyer that are unexpected. Be honest with your lawyer. You are a team. Tell your lawyer the good, the bad and the ugly. You will be served better.
Do NOT Ignore court Orders
A court Order is not a suggestion. It is an Order. It must be adhered to. If a court Orders temporary support, or access, or anything at all, it is important comply with the Order. If you fail to comply with an Order, there may be serious consequences. If you are not happy with an Order, speak to a lawyer about appealing the Order.
At Fine & Associates Professional Corporation, we can guide you through the separation process. We will make it as smooth and painless as possible. If you have any questions or concerns, please contact our offices in Toronto for a free phone consultation at 416-650-1300 or email us at .